Thursday, March 10, 2011

On Babies, Overconfidence, and God

My husband and I love children.  Newborns, babies, toddlers, preschoolers, school-aged, you name it.  We love being parents and always said we'd have two children, a boy and a girl.  After having each, we felt like our family wasn't complete.  After our youngest was a few months shy of turning two, we decided that we would have one more.  My husband couldn't stand having one open seat at our dining-room table! 

Getting pregnant came easy for us each time.  Our first and second were complete surprises, both conceived while on BC.  Unfortunately, we lost our second child around the 10 week mark.  After a routine GYN appointment, my doctor discussed natural family planning with me because there was a chance that BC doesn't work with my hormones.
We conceived our last two children within a month of trying.  People joked with us that we could get pregnant by just thinking about it.  We considered ourselves blessed, as many of our friends haven't had it so easy.

Fast-forward to September of 2009.  We decided to have one more.  Our final child and our youngest would be 2 1/2 years apart.  We had the dates planned, so they would be no more than 3 years apart in school.  We would have a summer baby, so I wouldn't have to deal with the Idaho heat while 9 months pregnant.  We planned and planned, we had it all figured out.  Or, so we thought.

I was convinced I was pregnant in October, then November, and most definitely December.  We decided that if we didn't conceive by August, we would be done.
During the early months of 2010, I realized that it really isn't our plan.  It is God's plan.  They are not our children, they are His.  He has complete control over conception.  We can intervene, but He is in charge.

During this time, He changed our hearts.  He knocked us down to where we should be.  By August, He told us that our family was complete.  We slowly started getting rid of baby things.  By September, our only focus was on the children we already had and our wonderful future with them.
And, that empty seat at the table?  It would have been filled by the child we lost, and in our hearts it always will be.


Tember said...

That is so beautiful, K! As I was wiping away tears I was inspired by your faith and your willingness to let God be God...thank you for sharing your journey and your family. Makes me miss you all the more!

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