Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Wisdom and Discernment

You know that feeling you get when you want something so bad and you can't have it?
It's that kind of pit in the stomach, aching, yearning feeling that you just can't get rid of.
I've had that for over 10 years now.  I want nothing more than to be a Nurse Practitioner.  But, as many military wives now, it's not about us.  I've had to transfer schools so many times and even withdrew from classes, because we've had to move.  The only reason I got my LPN license, was because he was serving in Korea for a whole year. 
When we got to Nebraska, I breathed a huge sigh of relief, knowing that we will be here until he retires in 7 years.  I found a school right away, applied, had my transcripts sent, got accepted, then ran into a wall.  A group of core classes from some previous schools might not transfer in because of semester/quarter and credit conversion issues.  I should have heard back at the end of January and as of last night, I still hadn't heard.  My emails weren't being answered, my advisor said she had no idea what was wrong.  I started to take it personally.
Is nursing really in the plan God has for me?  And if not, why does my heart skip a beat when I see an ambulance, or someone needing medical assistance?  Why did I take a break from school shortly after I got married because in my heart elementary education wasn't my passion?
So, I sit here tonight, back at square one.
Heart for missions + Helping people = ???
I have no clue where to go from here, or if I even should continue to pursue nursing.  I have dreams of working in a mission field, nursing people back to health.  But, maybe my mission field is right here at home where my entire focus should be on raising up our three children and not taking the time I have with them for granted.
Is the thick-headed Scandinavian in me viewing these doors closing as mere bumps in the road?
I'm really needing some wisdom and discerment.

Writing about missions got me thinking of a trip I took in the 90's to Ciudad Obregon, Mexico.  I had this CD in my discman at the time, so whenever I hear this song, I think of the people in Mexico that changed my heart forever.  But, that's an entirely different post I'll have to write someday.


marina said...

I am praying for you my dear friend. It is times like these I miss you terribly. We are both searching for answers and I just know if we were sitting at a table with some coffee we could make each other feel better. Everything happens for a reason and God has a wonderful plan for you. I believe in my heart you will be a nurse. When I close my eyes I can see a postcard on my fridge from you detailing the awesome missions work you are doing. You know our time is not His time. Just be patient he will give you your heart's desire. Right now maybe your ministry is your wonderful babies. I am praying for you. Miss and love you tons!!!

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